I don't really know how to say this, but our love is kinda unique... (But then every couple claims theirs are too haha)
I think I really understand why she wanted to break up with me.
It's been 1 week since we broke up.
And during this period of time, I have my UPs and DOWNs...
Yea, I was emotionally unstable.. most of the time i was sad...
But then just now, when I was having my midterm test, something came to me...
These few days I wasn't able to really focus on anything due to what had happened to us..
But when I was left with 30 minutes preparing for my midterm, I forced myself to focus on the present moment, and guess what? Throughout the midterm, I was able to forget the pain and totally immersed into my paper~
This really made me think that whether to be sad or happy its really a matter of choice, because after I completed my paper, I suddenly feel an ease and was steady as if nothing bad had happened. So, one does really able to move on and forget about the past if one stays focus on the present.
So, you guys might think, what does this have to do with me and her? Well, before we broke up, we have a rough month, she was very busy with her stuffs and studies, while I was left alone simply missing her dearly. And during this period of time, I kept focus my attention on her, making the stressed girl that she already is even worse, more likely, she was thinking of me as a responsibility that needed to be taken care of. Gradually, she wasn't thinking of me as her boyfriend anymore (a boyfriend which always able to reduce her stress whenever she wants it). And that made her even tighten, as she is always the one who loves freedom. And believe me, I really do love seeing her being carefree and doing the things she wants, because i can really see that those are the things that made her very simply, happy. :)
But then, i guessed what really ended up was, after she started seeing me as a responsibility (and now that she already labelled me as "annoying"). Through this, i can really see how she tried her best to give me affection and love. And on that day, her reason she wanted to broke up was this: tired. She said she was tired of the responsibility of being needed to cheer me and entertain me as if I was one of her "clients". Another reason she said was, she does not have any affection or some might say "feeling" towards me any more as due to the long distance.
What came to me today was, the true reason why we broke up is, her life and my life were too "busy", as if everyday there will be stuffs needed to be taken care of... And when we are too immersed into these stuffs, we will gradually lose interests in keeping the things we held on, including our love life. Because our lives are just too interesting and it always has a way to tempt us from forgetting why we are keeping it.
And, although this is a problem I can see clearly, but i still think that i don't want to give up on her.
The reason why I suddenly understand why, and her true feeling is because, we both have chemistry.
I really felt that we both have a lot in common, our goals, our interests, our mindsets. I do really believe we have a lot of potential together being each other's partner. Together we really can achieve a lot, especially learning and experiencing life together (sounds very deep and mature, i know~ haha)
She is my Mrs Right, and i hope to gain her back. Cause in the end, although we are separated, and our lives tend to get really "busy", but i do believe, if we can take both our energies and focus more on creating stuffs together, we really can go through life together, and i do believe this would solve our problem. Soooo.. wish me luck!
Peace out.
