UTAR Sg Long Buddhist Society培训营心得 （14/10/16 - 16/10/16）

这3天2夜的培训营就这样结束了。虽然自己这次的参与不是以Exco的身份，也因为工作，一些课程无法与大家一起，必须抽离。因此，严格来说只上了两天的课。虽然如此，收获却不如此地少。

刚开始入营时，对于课程抱着了一些自己的见解，起了不善心。但也觉得自己很棒的地方是能够很快的发觉这不善，把自己的见解放下。果然放下后，智慧就升起了，能够从个看似简单的课程中获得背后的智慧，从讲师的分享中学到更不一样的东西，提醒自己哪该注意的心态，感觉超棒的。从这里，也提醒了我上课时千万要放下“我执、我见”，这样就能获得更多更多。

这3天2夜中一共有9堂课，但自己却只上了6堂。但依然觉得法喜，一点都不觉得可惜，因为真的能够带了“好宝”回家去。其中也包括了所谓学佛应该有的正确心态、一些“全思级“的深思问题，比如：为什么佛学会要存在？特色其在？甚至如何在办活动中的策划、执行&评估有着更踏实的方式去实行。

在这些课程当中，个人觉得最受益的还是最后一堂的办活动内容。因为此课解答了许多我心中对于办活动的疑惑，非常非常地受用，也希望往日能够把所学到的应用在自己SYN的办活动方式里。

至于给自己心灵方面的学习成长呢？我觉得这3天2夜让我对于3宝有着更加坚定的信心，也激发了对于一些佛教思考性的问题，从这里看见自己还有许多的不足，还有好多好多还需要学习的地方。因此这求法的心也更加强烈。最后，这几天里也看到理事间从冷漠到彼此都很热情的样子，心中也感到感慨、觉得UTAR佛学会也因此多了一份”家的温暖“。


愿 大家在佛法的牵引下，莫忘初心，健康快乐的成长，肩并肩一起走在这成佛的道路上。

感恩 一切促成这次学习的因缘。

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu. _/\_

心呢？

为什么？

为什么就是对于生活麻木？没感觉了？是真的麻木吗？还是不想面对？

为什么对于学业完全没有想奋斗的感觉？难道 是“腻”吗？

为什么？

为什么 就是提不起心来？自己到底 要的是 什么？

难道自己不怕吗？怕。但 就是没心做。这又是为什么？

许多的“为什么” 都需要 个 答案。

难道 是我想多？难道 现在面对的、察觉的，都是假的？

为什么会这样？曾经心中那把火焰，

【想要证明给世界，给自己，证明自己是可以的】 的 那颗心在  哪  ？

跑了？飞了？失踪了？心、到底在哪？

每一天，

明知道 不应该 堕落下去，

明知道 这是不对的，

明知道 应该怎么做。。。

许多 的 “明知道” 但 “行动” 呢？

依旧在原点 的 我。

心。真的是颗脆弱的东西。

看到了。明白了。知道了。但 心没了，能怎样？

听见内心的自己在叮咛、劝告，说不想继续这样了。。。但。。。始终 那声音 还是依然 只是 声音。。。

想呐喊，想寻找 这颗心、这个“自己”，但 哪儿 找？ 哪儿 开始？

心，请问你在哪？

忙

Hmm.. Assignments, midterms, reports转眼间在week 7后就开始不停地送上门来~ 同时也在这时候的我也必须在学业、生活、SYN中寻找个平衡点。老实说，还真的挺累的，不只在身体上的累，也同时心感觉喘不过来。

但非常庆幸的是，最近也学习禅修和放松~ 仿佛命运已经预料并为我准备这“防弹身”，在我面对这么多的事物中学习放松，清楚活在当下。但也只能说小的用功不深，偶尔还会经常感到紧张慌忙的。但对我而言，这已经是非常好的功课给我学习了。 ^^

在这里也主要是要发泄发泄一下~ 也提醒未来的自己曾经的彦航也有这么忙的一次，而且这过程是非常地“刺激”。哈哈~

祝 彦航 加油加油加油！！！
愿 彦航 能够在这过程中有所学习~ 好好体验这过程~~

愿 大家在百忙中也能够按住自己的善心，时时提起觉照心，给自己许多许多的爱~！ <3


心法 上 

大专静七总心得 (2/7 - 8/7)

难得的静七终于结束了。它没有像所谓大家想象中的恐怖，之前当告诉朋友们时，大家一听到必须要7天的打坐、7天的静语、7天的早起、7天的禁止使用手机时，大家就感到害怕恐惧。但想说但愿你愿意尝试、想体验，其实过程是非常的自在、轻安、舒服的。是我在外面找不到的“简单快乐”。

刚开始入营时，是带着许多的小心谨慎，毕竟环境地不熟，而且是抱着想精进的心进来。开始的过程有许多的适应必须做；适应环境、课程、人等。因此，也在这刚入营期间发觉自己是最积极的，因为有许多的“新鲜感”, start everything fresh~ 哈哈。可是在之后的几天，必须承认且惭愧的是用心的心开始陷入懈怠状态。他是因为开始习惯了，体质上也开始疲惫了，觉照及觉观的心对很多的事物也开始失去力量了。好听来说，或许是自己在允许自己疲累的身子放松吧？但之后脑海也浮现出另个念头，就是所谓用功禅修就是为了要生起觉照之心，不让自己再陷入无明，不再沉睡了。它就是为了准备我们在烦恼生起时，有足够的心力去面对它。倘若连自己疲惫所引起的昏沉（痴）和懈怠这么样的无明都没办法面对，那么在未来的日子里烦恼生起时，自己该如何面对呢？但或许自己真的也累了，一条太紧的弦也会弹不出好旋律出来。看来，这是一个自己必须多关照的功课，该什么时候多放松，什么时候积极。

在这段期间里，除了用功中学习更恰当的用法调和身心外，也发现自己本身的体质真的变得很虚了，没有之前那样健康了。踏入这岁月的我也才开始了解照顾身体的重要性、需要更加珍惜自己的身体。就像继程师父说所的，平时自己是怎么不爱惜自己身体，它自然会在自己打坐用功时显现出来，这是其中相当直接的业报显现吧？另外，也从中发现自己一直都不懂得怎么真正去放松，平时在过着一天一天的生活时，以为自己其实是放松状态去处理事情，但才发现并非如此。当在用功时，也体会了接近身与心的结合所产生的结果——当下。“当下”这感觉是非常舒服、放松、自在的。当下能够清清楚楚知道身子的每个动作，意识是非常清晰。非常喜欢这感觉，也希望以后能够再多体会如此舒服的感觉。

此外，在这静七里也非常欣赏和大爱师父和监香们所给的宽度和包容。刚开始入营时继程师父给人的感觉很严肃认真，让大家包括我都非常怕师父。后来，也不知道是什么原因，看到师父在一天一天的开示不断地添加许多幽默感，让全场人都放松起来。或许他也看到大家因为他的严肃而紧绷吧？或许因为这样他才觉得这不是一个能够让大家修行用功的方式，于是也在开示中让大家放松。过程，也非常非常地感恩能够听到师父的开示，从他的开示中也尝到了许多的法，许多的慈悲，非常法喜。我想因为佛法本来就是一个“因为爱，就是爱，所以爱”的法吧？

另外，当然也非常感恩我们禅修助教，继持师父和监香们的用心，看到他们如何把心放在我们每日的衣食住行中，只为了让我们能够舒舒服服的修行用功。他们的那份用心，对于每个小细节都不轻易忽视的心，真的让人又感动又欣慰。感恩继持师父的用心，过程中我相信她也发觉到当中有几个的我们在之后的日子开始没怎么精进向上，但依然给予包容，让我们能够在自己最舒服的情况下学习。或许是因为这些包容中，足使这几个我们也为了自己的学习负责，继续精进。在某天的拜佛时，师父也提起我们应该像大地一样，学习它的宽容，无私的爱。这点让我感触非常深。

在自己心灵成长方面呢，也学习了不少。学习了不要一直活在自己的妄念中，而随意对人或事下定论。一直来的我都自认自己有相当好的分析能力与对人心理的了解，但往往那不是最真实的状况。同样的，我们时常惯性地认为我们对于一样东西有足够的了解与认识，但其实往往它只是依然我们的“自以为”。世间上，就像继程法师在开示中说的，每个发生都是诸法因缘生，诸法因缘灭。只要心细，就可以看到每时每分每秒都有数不清的因缘在操作。因此，再怎么重复的动作，再怎么一样的一个人都会面对无常无我。因此这提醒那么容易把事物成惯性的我觉照心的重要性，不要“自以为”。一旦不清楚就要弄清它，认清事实的面貌。另外，就像之前所提到的——慈悲。我发觉“爱”这奇妙东西可以很简单，也可以很不简单。发觉只有爱才能化解一切的不完美（苦），才能圆满一切，不再轮回。这颗美丽且伟大的善心是我想学习的其中之一。唯有爱（慈悲）伴随智慧才能让大家走出黑暗，迎接光明。

非常感恩一切促成我这次学习的因缘。心中万分感恩。<3

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_

When LOVE Arrives

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, 

and love leaves exactly when love must. 

When love arrives, say, 

“Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”

If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. 

Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper, 

“Thank you. Thank you for stopping by.”

- "When Love Arrives" by Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye

Love

Hmm... seems like it has been a long time since I blogged.

So what brings me to blog in this lovely and serene evening? Well, its because of this feeling I just experienced and I wanted to jot it down so that I can remind my future-self to be this way whenever and wherever I can.

Tonight's post will be again, about her. Hahaha, but this will not be one of those "emo" posts, trust me  :)

Just seen her photo in Facebook about half an hour ago, and as I see her face closely and attentively for the first time in some time, I noticed something. Other than her smile being just as beautiful as always, there was something more to it - she's happy. From that photo itself, I can see that she was truly enjoying herself and being happy as how she can be right now.

And in that very moment, in my heart, there's not one sense of hatred, anger, sadness or any other negativity you can think of. What was in my mind during that time was: "Wow, you are smiling so beautifully and you do seem like you are happy." At that very moment itself, I knew I had let go of the past (or at least the sad stuffs that happened and how we hurt each other). And then my thought was simply this:

"I am my own happiness, and I don't need to depend on anyone to achieve that happiness, and same goes to you. I don't care if you are being with another person right now or still being single. I just wish the best for you, I hope you are happy, I hope you are safe. And I don't need you for me to be happy. But I'm happy for you because
I love you."

So, I guess this is something what Xiong Mama and Xiong Papa trying to preach us - Metta, which is unconditional love. And surely, it feels GREAT. And of course, I have to admit lately when thinking of her, its not about the pain any more, but about how we were happy and how it's a pity right now that we are not able to be together. So this time, maybe you can say, its another type of unwillingness to let go. However, I think what's best for now is to not dwell in the past, whether is a sad past or happy ones and start living in the "now".

To whoever reading this or whether it is the people I know or don't know,
YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE AWESOME! (Including myself, haha)

May you be well and happy. :)
PEACE OUT & Love you berry much <3 

(Oh! And not to forget, Finals Hwaiting~!)

Photo Credits to Jason Mraz's "Love is a Four Letter Word" Album Cover

Tiredness

Lately I can feel myself running out of battery, as if all the energy in me has been drained out. Other than feeling tired of doing my usual busy stuffs (study, assignment, reports and camp stuffs), I can feel myself sometimes feeling irritated and get angry easier, always with negative emotions.

So what caused me to have such issue?

I guess I've been putting myself in too much things, especially in planning events and activities. This results in me forgetting to be aware of my body and thoughts. Maybe I have been overdoing, forgetting that myself as an individual who needed to be attend and taken care of.

Maybe is also the people problems I encountered during my previous event (爱早), that causes me to spill a lot of negative emotions/thoughts. This is due to the people and the habits they have that made me feel uncomfortable and even "BO SONG". Haha.

However, coming back to myself, I guess this is a homework that I should solve. All this while, perhaps my mind and body is telling me to take plenty of rest and have a lot of "Me-time" to recharge my life-battery.

But seriously, I can feel that lately I have ran out of LOVE energy. What used to be a habit of mine to give encouragement to others and also be happy for others, now seem like something I couldn't find in me any more. It might be because of the tiredness and also the anger, dissatisfaction that are stirring inside me, but one thing is for sure is, I need to give myself a lot more LOVE than ever.
Hopefully I can always be aware of my thoughts and discover more about the reason behind this dissatisfaction.

So, right now, I have to continue observe these emotions and thoughts. Accept more of myself, accept my current condition and embrace it.

So these are the things i wish to say to myself:

Lloyd,
You did well recently, but don't forget you are a man, not a superhuman. You need space and time to relax too. Be with yourself more when you have the time, and love yourself. Remember, a string that is too tight will eventually break! Ai ni yo~~ :D