突然好想你。

Short Sem来了，果然过得很充实。SYN, Assignment, Report, midterm, 佛学活动，交际活动，一切都让这sem添上了不少的色彩。但，你相信吗？过了那么久了，我还是依然放不下。

朋友家人都以为我没事了，因为在他们面前我学会挂上了微笑的脸庞，学会了坚强。换上个新发型，学会多打扮，让人家都觉得我，真的不一样了。但，在心里，有多少的不一样呢？

过了6个月多了，心里还是依然在想她。几乎每个早晨的冲凉房里，胡思乱想的就是与她不再一起走下去的日子。“为什么会发生这种事？”这问题，依然在自己的脑海中浮现。与她的一切一切回忆，开心与难过的回忆都如总不迟到的信鸽每天准时报到。

虽然6个月了，嘴上不再挂着她的事，但心里依然还不放。不是没事了，而是学会坚强，学会带着影子过每一天，每当信鸽来了，心情沉重了。心里也很不要脸的去想你是否也和我一样？都过得那么不开心？还是，其实你早已经放下了了许多血多，甚至完全没有我们的回忆，不管开心与不开心的回忆，已经没有任何牵挂。

偶尔的不甘心，不知足。也偶尔的纯傻。怎么傻？傻在心里有多莫地不甘心，却常常洗脑告诉自己，“她，快乐就好。”

常常告诉自己，若现在的她，真的很快乐，真的不需要我，那么我就从她生命中消失吧。只为了，不再给她更多的烦恼。

“若当初”这三个字根本就是不实用的东西，多想也没有用，但还是会去想。想：“为什么？”

她，是我选择的。所以，一切的发生，的确是自己必须承担面对的。一切的爱错，就告诉自己是自己的学习吧。她要的从来更本不是这样的爱。我，爱错了，也爱太深了。

充实归充实，但充实到不再认得自己，有何处呢？

祝 你依然一切顺利，过得开开心心

愿 生命指引我，导向更好的明天

Year 2 Semester 2

Hey guys! Guess what? Remember that small getaway with Faguang Shifu that I mentioned in the previous post? Well... Eventually, I cancelled off all my programs I had for that period of time and spontaneously, went to Malacca and followed Shifu to Cameron and came back to Malacca again! That whole experience took 1 week of my semester break, and no, I didn't regret it! It was an unforgettable yet fun experience overall. And of course, during the whole trip, I had my ups and downs, and I promised myself to write a 心得 about it, yet I've been slacking after coming back from the trip, but now that school reopens, I guess I can give myself some little motivation to write the 心得. So yea, I OWE myself, and you guys a 心得! Haha.

Okay, enough talk about the trip, the current time now is 0031, 26/10/15. So, that means today is the official day school reopens! Frankly, I'm quite looking forward to this semester. Looked through last semester, and I was really really indeed very grateful that I didn't fail my subjects, and coincidentally the results is the same as my Y1S1 results. A heart-broken experience happened last semester, and that leaded to me living a lifestyle which involves mostly procrastination. I was literally a walking zombie for last semester.

However, this semester, I want to be different, I want a new start. I want to forget the past, and live on ahead, I want to strive to be better and live up to my highest potential. Also, however, things are always easier said than done, there still be personal problems and obstacles that I have to face, such as the temptation of housemates inviting to play games and such. But still, I have to believe myself, and keep reminding myself to be aware of what I truly want in life. Always live like dying. Appreciate. Cherish. And take chances when there are.

So... yea.. I guess that's all I have to say about this new semester.

Lloyd, its time to wake up. You can do it. Cause you are the FRIGGIN' AWESOME LLOYD TEOH, aren't you not? :)

Last words:
Year 2 Semester 2, get ready, cause here I come!

Semester Break has Begun?

Well... I know I haven't been blogging for quite some time already, so I think I should at least give myself a "be-with-myself" moment to arrange and express some of my thoughts to the things which had happened recently.

So, semester break just started! *yippee* Although there wasn't much difference before and after sittings for finals. I was the same old slacking me, in fact, I might had gotten even worse, I had lose the spirit to fight for finals, you can say that I'm not as keen to push up my grades as the previous semester. One of the reasons is firstly, to be honest, the break-up that happened in June really had taken a huge toll on me. During that period, I didn't have the interests to attend school, I find it hard to keep myself motivated. And so, I skipped classes, most of them. Until when finals was just around the corner that I realized there were plenty of syllables that I had to catch up. Also, now that I had moved to a new environment, the hostel which I'm staying is a lot more merrier than ever, housemates are just so warm and friendly that almost everyday we have something to laugh at. And also, this comes with some disadvantages, almost everyday me and the boys would played dotA at least 1 round. If its not dotA, then it would be going out for supper or playing cards with the girls. But seriously, I enjoyed being accompanied by you guys, the house that you guys lighted up also had lighted my heart in some ways. Thanks guys. :)

Now that semester break just started, what are the plans I have in mind? Well, firstly, there are some responsibilities which is related to SYN and BMSM that I have to tend to, so there's no escaping from that. Other than that, I plan to focus more on doing the things I like and have more quality time with myself. In my mind, there are a lot of things which I would love to do in this semester, those of which are as below:

1. Plan a small getaway! - I am really hoping that I can take my bag and just escape. Escape to where ever that provides peace and serenity, so that there are plenty of time I can be with myself and reflect upon myself on the past, present and future, you know, get myself clear out of the craps and find clarity in how should I live my life next. That's why I intend to stay in Faguang Shifu's monastery for a few days, but sadly, he will not be in for these few weeks as he has talks to give every where.
In fact, he even invited me to tag along with him to his talks in Cameron and Kelantan. It would be really fun, and honestly, I am eager to go there, however I won't be free on those days. *sigh*

2. Working - Yes, you hear me right, I plan to work in this holiday. The reason is not just only to earned some allowance, but also, the main reason is that I wish to donate some of the money to the Syrian refugees. Yesterday, I looked through the UNCHR website (which belongs to the UN's refugee agency), and I found this:

And as much as I wanted to help, I think with my limitations, I can only donate for 50 USD, which if it converts from RM, it would be around RM220. However, there's are challenges in finding part-time jobs.

3. Drawing manga - inspired by the animes that I recently watched, I felt like giving a shot in manga, as an interest and also express myself more during this free time.

4. Taking up guitar and drum lessons - As an interest, but sadly, Caleb will not be free during these few weeks too, and that means I would have to either take up lessons from else where (which I'm not really comfortable with) or just let go of this thought.

So, yea... also now that I'm at home, surely my mum will ask me to do some chores and help out on her work and stuffs. *sigh* Haha, so hope that I can spend my time wisely and live it to its fullest!

I guess I will stop blogging for now, and by then I will keep updating myself.

Peace out.

Partings

In life, each and every one of us face partings, despite we want it or not. Parting itself is not the issue, but the feeling of parting is, and it is a weird one too.

Today, one of my closet pal just flied to Beijing to further his studies, me and the UTAR gang went to send him off as an official farewell. To be honest, I never thought I would really felt this unwillingness. Before he went off, we are still happily joking around and chatting as usual, as if nothing big or significant was happening, there wasn't a sense of parting, not even when we took group photos. Not until my buddy's mom suddenly rushed toward him and gave him a hug, a big warmth motherly hug, a hug which symbolizes a mother's deepest love and affection towards her parting son. And that's when we all suddenly realized this: My pal here is actually LEAVING. Leaving in terms of that you will never get to see him again for a few months. From what used to be every Sundays meet up to organizing a camp together, and until today. He was, leaving. And just when he said the last goodbye to us all, and seeing him walking along the corridor, this popped out of my head, thinking: "He's actually leaving. There will be no more Tingyew for a time being.". And just then, the emotions started to sink in.

It's rare for me to face such partings, I guess its because I felt that almost everyone that I hold dearly are always there by my side, making me feel simply, warmth and happy. However, what I experienced today was the same as the day that I visited my ex, which is the feeling that some bit of my heart just tore down, and the feeling of loneliness kicks in. Bits of pain, bits of unwillingness and bits of loneliness. So I see, this is the feeling of parting.

And from this, I realized something, humans are really funny and slow creatures. When someone or something is taken from our life, only then we start to feel the sense of losing, and just only then we feel that we haven't been appreciating that someone or something's presence enough, and taken it for granted. I find it very amusing but at the same time, this feeling makes me feel more alive, more human, and i guess you could say this is life?

So, I guess this experience also serves as a reminder to me, that is to appreciate and treat each and every one of the people around me sincerely, whether is just acquaintance or best bros, cause you never know when will they disappear from  your life. Just. Appreciate.

P/s: For that specific guy that just flied to Beijing, remember to stay YOLO and live hard, play hard! You better be in good shape (in spite of academic or in life) when I see you again, because surely I will not be losing to you too! Let's add oil! Wish you all the best! :)

Choice.

Always remind myself:
Every choice that I made will be and always be the best choice (in fact there's no absolute perfect choice), because behind it there is something that is needed to be learnt. :)

Science and spirituality: Jeff Lieberman at TEDxCambridge 2011

I find the video that I'm going to share very inspiring. This guy in the video is Jeff Lieberman, an MIT-trained artist, scientist and engineer, who makes a scientific argument for mystical experience.
And in this video, he shared his theory of what us humans are, just what exactly are we? Human? Energy? Or consciousness?

Indeed, it not only share the core essence of Buddhism, but also other religion. I find it truly astonishing for someone who is able to go as detailed as him. A complete mind-blown I would say, and after seeing the video, one thing comes into my head: "Why worry?".

Hope this video inspires all of you who are reading this.

Sadhu.

 

Songs that Speak: "Photograph" by Ed Sheeran

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

When it gets hard

You know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts are never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal

Loving can mend your soul

And it's the only thing that I know (know)

I swear it will get easier

Remember that with every piece of ya

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Our hearts were never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me

That's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me to come home [4x]

Oh you can fit me

Inside the necklace you got when you were 16

Next to your heartbeat

Where I should be

Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me

Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away

I will remember how you kissed me

Under the lamppost

Back on 6th street

Hearing you whisper through the phone,

"Wait for me to come home."