Semester Break has Begun?

Well... I know I haven't been blogging for quite some time already, so I think I should at least give myself a "be-with-myself" moment to arrange and express some of my thoughts to the things which had happened recently.

So, semester break just started! *yippee* Although there wasn't much difference before and after sittings for finals. I was the same old slacking me, in fact, I might had gotten even worse, I had lose the spirit to fight for finals, you can say that I'm not as keen to push up my grades as the previous semester. One of the reasons is firstly, to be honest, the break-up that happened in June really had taken a huge toll on me. During that period, I didn't have the interests to attend school, I find it hard to keep myself motivated. And so, I skipped classes, most of them. Until when finals was just around the corner that I realized there were plenty of syllables that I had to catch up. Also, now that I had moved to a new environment, the hostel which I'm staying is a lot more merrier than ever, housemates are just so warm and friendly that almost everyday we have something to laugh at. And also, this comes with some disadvantages, almost everyday me and the boys would played dotA at least 1 round. If its not dotA, then it would be going out for supper or playing cards with the girls. But seriously, I enjoyed being accompanied by you guys, the house that you guys lighted up also had lighted my heart in some ways. Thanks guys. :)

Now that semester break just started, what are the plans I have in mind? Well, firstly, there are some responsibilities which is related to SYN and BMSM that I have to tend to, so there's no escaping from that. Other than that, I plan to focus more on doing the things I like and have more quality time with myself. In my mind, there are a lot of things which I would love to do in this semester, those of which are as below:

1. Plan a small getaway! - I am really hoping that I can take my bag and just escape. Escape to where ever that provides peace and serenity, so that there are plenty of time I can be with myself and reflect upon myself on the past, present and future, you know, get myself clear out of the craps and find clarity in how should I live my life next. That's why I intend to stay in Faguang Shifu's monastery for a few days, but sadly, he will not be in for these few weeks as he has talks to give every where.
In fact, he even invited me to tag along with him to his talks in Cameron and Kelantan. It would be really fun, and honestly, I am eager to go there, however I won't be free on those days. *sigh*

2. Working - Yes, you hear me right, I plan to work in this holiday. The reason is not just only to earned some allowance, but also, the main reason is that I wish to donate some of the money to the Syrian refugees. Yesterday, I looked through the UNCHR website (which belongs to the UN's refugee agency), and I found this:

And as much as I wanted to help, I think with my limitations, I can only donate for 50 USD, which if it converts from RM, it would be around RM220. However, there's are challenges in finding part-time jobs.

3. Drawing manga - inspired by the animes that I recently watched, I felt like giving a shot in manga, as an interest and also express myself more during this free time.

4. Taking up guitar and drum lessons - As an interest, but sadly, Caleb will not be free during these few weeks too, and that means I would have to either take up lessons from else where (which I'm not really comfortable with) or just let go of this thought.

So, yea... also now that I'm at home, surely my mum will ask me to do some chores and help out on her work and stuffs. *sigh* Haha, so hope that I can spend my time wisely and live it to its fullest!

I guess I will stop blogging for now, and by then I will keep updating myself.

Peace out.

Partings

In life, each and every one of us face partings, despite we want it or not. Parting itself is not the issue, but the feeling of parting is, and it is a weird one too.

Today, one of my closet pal just flied to Beijing to further his studies, me and the UTAR gang went to send him off as an official farewell. To be honest, I never thought I would really felt this unwillingness. Before he went off, we are still happily joking around and chatting as usual, as if nothing big or significant was happening, there wasn't a sense of parting, not even when we took group photos. Not until my buddy's mom suddenly rushed toward him and gave him a hug, a big warmth motherly hug, a hug which symbolizes a mother's deepest love and affection towards her parting son. And that's when we all suddenly realized this: My pal here is actually LEAVING. Leaving in terms of that you will never get to see him again for a few months. From what used to be every Sundays meet up to organizing a camp together, and until today. He was, leaving. And just when he said the last goodbye to us all, and seeing him walking along the corridor, this popped out of my head, thinking: "He's actually leaving. There will be no more Tingyew for a time being.". And just then, the emotions started to sink in.

It's rare for me to face such partings, I guess its because I felt that almost everyone that I hold dearly are always there by my side, making me feel simply, warmth and happy. However, what I experienced today was the same as the day that I visited my ex, which is the feeling that some bit of my heart just tore down, and the feeling of loneliness kicks in. Bits of pain, bits of unwillingness and bits of loneliness. So I see, this is the feeling of parting.

And from this, I realized something, humans are really funny and slow creatures. When someone or something is taken from our life, only then we start to feel the sense of losing, and just only then we feel that we haven't been appreciating that someone or something's presence enough, and taken it for granted. I find it very amusing but at the same time, this feeling makes me feel more alive, more human, and i guess you could say this is life?

So, I guess this experience also serves as a reminder to me, that is to appreciate and treat each and every one of the people around me sincerely, whether is just acquaintance or best bros, cause you never know when will they disappear from  your life. Just. Appreciate.

P/s: For that specific guy that just flied to Beijing, remember to stay YOLO and live hard, play hard! You better be in good shape (in spite of academic or in life) when I see you again, because surely I will not be losing to you too! Let's add oil! Wish you all the best! :)

Choice.

Always remind myself:
Every choice that I made will be and always be the best choice (in fact there's no absolute perfect choice), because behind it there is something that is needed to be learnt. :)

Science and spirituality: Jeff Lieberman at TEDxCambridge 2011

I find the video that I'm going to share very inspiring. This guy in the video is Jeff Lieberman, an MIT-trained artist, scientist and engineer, who makes a scientific argument for mystical experience.
And in this video, he shared his theory of what us humans are, just what exactly are we? Human? Energy? Or consciousness?

Indeed, it not only share the core essence of Buddhism, but also other religion. I find it truly astonishing for someone who is able to go as detailed as him. A complete mind-blown I would say, and after seeing the video, one thing comes into my head: "Why worry?".

Hope this video inspires all of you who are reading this.

Sadhu.

 

Songs that Speak: "Photograph" by Ed Sheeran

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

When it gets hard

You know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts are never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal

Loving can mend your soul

And it's the only thing that I know (know)

I swear it will get easier

Remember that with every piece of ya

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Our hearts were never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me

That's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me to come home [4x]

Oh you can fit me

Inside the necklace you got when you were 16

Next to your heartbeat

Where I should be

Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me

Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away

I will remember how you kissed me

Under the lamppost

Back on 6th street

Hearing you whisper through the phone,

"Wait for me to come home."

欣航恋：学习心得

结束后，我觉得 也应该做出一个整理。

整理我从这次里向她也好，向自己也好，或是向这感情都好，所学习的心得。

在这里，我学习了信任 一直是很重要的，不管在任何恋情中。因为信任，彼此才不怀疑；因为信任，才有自由，才能够真正做回自己。在任何恋情中，我们总应该学习 相信 我们的另一半，虽然负面情绪和思考总是 会给你很多很多的“绊脚石”，让你想太多，但 如果感情一直都被 爱 牵伴着，你就不用质疑，因为你对她的爱，在她心里是 绝对的。

另外，感情的持久 是靠双方的意愿。一旦其中一方不想了，那么 也没有意思继续了。但停止了，也不代表爱 结束了。在最近看的一套戏“ Book of Life"里，其中个死神La muerte，曾说："True love, that really, really good kind of love never dies." 没错，爱 是非常美好的，是感动的，是无穷的包容的，因为 爱，它角色很单纯：就是 爱 而已，没其他元素。

所以，让我收获最多最大的是，在这感情里，努力了，尽了后，若 缘分未到，那么也只能 接受，平且 放下。没错，所以 我给的最后一个 爱 是 放下。

Sometimes in life, when you care for someone or something too much, you just have to let it go. Because one thing for sure, you just want that someone to be simply, happy.

Girl, I really hope for the best for you. And really hope you can be happy as always. :)

谢谢 你以前给的美好，那些回忆都很快乐。

珍惜。爱。永别。

Our story: END

So, our story officially ended.

How did it go? Well, all the efforts I made had put into waste. The things that I wanted to show her so badly didn't manage to let her see. Simply, she refused to, can I blame her? No. It's her choice.

After the 5 minute debating, it ended with me saying a lot of "sorries". Sorry for all the mistakes that I made which led her to feeling unhappy.

However, after she went up. her friend told me the main reason why she wanted to break up with me so badly...

The reason is that. he said, whenever she needs me, I wasn't there for her. And he said it was because of distance. I didn't know that she was in a lot of pain and stress recently that she just need me to be there to comfort her. And if only she said that, I wouldn't mind rushing up here, just to be with her.

However, the question is, I can be with her 1 day or 2 days or maybe a week, but can i always be there for her? When I'm not there, she simply can't feel my presence.

I wanted to let her know how badly I wanted to be there for her, and I want her to know that my heart is always there for her. I want to let her know she is my world, and I am always wanting of having her beside me. But, sadly. she can't feel it.

Can I blame her? No. It's her choice. But for me one thing for sure is, distance never separates two people who are deeply in love with each other. And I'm going to hold on to that...

But hey, at least, I tried my best, right? No regrets. Still, I hope she will be as happy as always. And meet someone who's willing to give her as much love as she needs to. I hope she will be loved and I wish for the best for her.

I guess, now that I tried, what my next step is, letting her go, which some might say its the hardest.
Well, yea, it is the hardest, at least for me. But as the classic cliche goes "if you really love someone, you'll have to let her go." So, that's what I'm going to do now.

陈欣盈，只想让你知道，我的心里 一直一直 都有你。也会记得这么样的一个陈欣盈。

我爱你。

掰掰。 :)